New chapter new day

Its a new chapter and a new day. 
Its time to let the past stay in the past
And to stop treading in deep waters.

Stop drowing yourself with the pain and hurt thats been caused.  Stop listening to what people are saying about you. 

Its time to start over and do you. Time for the people to see the real you.  Stop hiding from what you dont want them to see.

Its time to shine and time to grow more than you have before.

Just remember its not your fault

I want to talk to you about a sensitive subject men and women alike.   Whether you are a male or a female dont feel ashamed about the abuse you have gone thru whether its verbal, pbysical,or emotional.   Do not be ashamed of the abuse speak out.  Your NOT the only one who has/is going thru it.  Ive covered this topic before but not as intense.

This is my story from the beating of my Ex husband.  My ex husband didnt speak english very well so he asked one of the guys to help him with some english words he was from Guatemala.

I met him at work he was nice and he wasnt the abusive type well before we had gotten marrried May 2000.
The night before we both got off work at 2 am. We than drove to vegas arrived at 6am we got our licensing to get married found a chapel and got married and drove back. Thats when things changed.
We were both tired but i really dont remember what the arguement was about.  It had to do about me being his wife now and i had to do what ever he said and when he wanted things done.
I must of said something and he didnt like it.  I know I was on the floor he was straddling me and I remember my head was banged against the floor several times.  I remember waking up in my bed he slept on the couch.  As I woke up I felt dizzy I couldnt even walk. Icrawled to the bathroom and threw up. And went to the living room called my manager Frank and told him what happened and said I couldnt work but my husband was. And feel back to sleep on the floor.  Now I realized that it was a small concussion that i had gotten from him beating me.

We had moved out of California to Carrollton Georgia. Things didnt change the fact is it got worse. His jealousy of guys at work talking to me. From when i worked with to to when i work at a meat factory. When I worked at Mcdonalds we had a bad fight about the same thing happened in california it happened in Georgia expect this time was worse in the end his hand print were left around my neck bruisedeft side of my face and my left ear was purple inside and out.  My eardrum was blown from him hitting me in my ear with a cupped hand.  I took A shower my ear stung so bad i was in pain. Went to work 2 hr early.  Talked to my manager i knew i couldnt be behind the counter when not working. But she saw and told me use the phone.  I called the police l did make a report and told them i wanted to press charges but they didnt.

Than i started working for a meat packing plant and thats where i knew enough. Is enough. He has hit me for the last time when i told him not to come closer to me or id break the window(it was really thin) he came towards me and well my fist went thru the window and he asked me what was my problem was i crazy???….

Thats when i knew i needed to leave him for good.
I was at work one day and i had my car he must of borrowed someones car and still denies it.. I saw him drive by thru the windows of the breakroom. I had gone to my car and noticed that the trunk of my car was keyed bad. I talked to security they called the police. My friend Ishmiel was there with me waiting and one of the girls also. I did my statement and i hadnt gotten paid yet so my friend had gotten. Later on that week i went to move in with an aquataince of my friend from work.  I went to get the rest of my stuff from my husbands apartment it was pouring rain i was stubborn enough to grab all of my stuff rain or no rain.. One of the guys from work was in the apartment across the way. Watching and making sure my husband was not going to do anything.. I grabbed everything that had to do with me and him so there was no proof at all that i lived there…

I was done with all of it. And ive told him many times that the American woman are not alike the women in guatemala.  We fight back and made sure we are heard if something happens to us…
When i moved back to California i had gotten my divorce. He was not going to be able to get his papers to be a resident at least not from me..

Ive been able To talk about this abuse for at least 14 yrs. I was afraid to talk about it at first but, realized that its better to talk to people about it and help other people get out of the situation that they are in just by listening.

Your not alone it not your fault. They will keep beating you no matter what. Get out of there make sure they dont know where all your friends or family live so you have a safe haven to go to if this happens again.

Have a good day. Just remember its not your fault. Only you can stop the abuse nobody else.

You will always better than what they tell you won’t amount to anything.

Its just a change

Im here but not here. Lost with no where to turn and no where to hide.
Trying to where i belong.  Is it here or is it there. 
Nobody to turn to everyone has gone.  Here alone to figure out what to do or where to go.
All alone. All i can do is just ponder what i can or could of done.
You can always change how you feel

Change of mind change of thought.
Make all things happen in a possible manner.

I am attracting success in my life deviors i am attracting wealth and health.
I am attracking successful people confident loving and full of respect

Am I there

Why are you not listening to me?? Am i invisable to you? Do you not hear my voice? Why do we have to go thru the same conversation we did a while back? If you heard me we wouldnt have to go thru the same conversation again.

Who are you and why should i even listen to what you have to say if you wont even listen to what i have to say. Im not a puppet, im not just a b stranger that you would rather listen to.
I happen to be someone in your life
At least thats what i thought.

You can heal

Hello everyone, this is some of my story. I was born in Manila Philippines i was adopted when i was a baby, brought to the States right after.
I have vivid memories of when i was younger, but growing up i was having nightmares of being molested over and over again and remember the sensation(sexual sensation of the clit) but not knowing that at the time i was 2. Those dreams kept coming back time after time and the older i got the more graffic the imaging became.
I started to piece together the dreams and realized it may of been my Adopted dad. I was afaid of him for a very long time.

At the age of 16 i was raped at work by a man who i think was in his late 20s.  I worked in a hospital at that time.  I avoided the elevators he was in unless someone was there also and i was not alone. If i was caught off gaurd he would of tried in the elevators i was in. He acted like nothing happened. He was fired for sexual harrassement from someone else.
I felt ashamed and didnt tell anyone about that rape till i was 28.
I had gotten married in 2000 Las Vegas.
That was the worse marriage ever.  Because my ex husband would use any excuse to hit me. We had a lot of physical and vebal fights.
The worste my ex husband beat was i had both hand marks left indintations all around my neck and my left ear was purple outside through out my ear.  My ear drum was broke also i inside.

Yes i did get out of my marraige from my ex husband. I’m able to talk about m h past so others can have the courage and know they can change the situation they are in.

Be strong and blessed


Times have changed.  Many changes have to be from within.  Look deep deep inside of your soul.  You may be able to find whats been missing from your life this whole time.
Filter out all the bad and the good. Use all the opportunities to help your expand your ground..
All the pain, joy and happiness. Can help you in this journey and the many journeys that are ahead of you.
Dont let that one situation hurt you or disable you from your success.
Dont let that one person or persons from holding you back.
Get your mind into the NOW and work on your tomorrow.


learn to communicate

From deep down inside this uneasy feeling that i knew something was not right. My dreams were telling me the same thing.. The hurt and the pain of someone stepping over you.  Funny how people say one thing and do the total opposite.  How can people do this and just use words like its nothing.  People need to respect people and use the key of communication.  How is someone suppose to know what is really going on when the other person wont talk to them

You have nobody to blame if your not communicating to the other people in your life.  They cant read your mind and if you have closed your heart that much how are you ever going to find a place to belong.

Stop the pain of hurting someone else because you don’t want to speak up.  I see many people who are afraid of speaking their mind and that’s what ruins a lot of relationships not just personal but also work, friends, family relationships.  Learn to speak your mind. Don’t be afraid to say what you feel, Don’t keep it bottled inside of you. You are only hurting yourself and nobody else.

Heal yourself and speak with the people who are close to you.  If they don’t like what they hear than they may have somethings they have to work on for them self also.

Wow time gone so fast


My you have grown so much. And the troubles you had growing up.  You were so full of life and energy when you were younger. Trying to be a lil mamma to your baby brother..
Now look at you. Come January.2016 you are going to have your own lil girl. Cianah Serenity Van Peursem. She has made you grow up so fast and you have changed the way you see things.
You will be a good mom. Keep your head up and learn from your mistakes.

letting go

Here i am just trying to find the way. What path should i go to now? should i go this way or that way. Where should I start this journey now. I will follow the path that will allow me to expand into what i want to be. I will find the positive people to be around because the negativity of people will kill me from within me.

I wont let the fears and the negativity of someone else ruin where i want to be.  If you really want to have a purpose in life than you need to help yourself from within. Let the world see your change and if they mock you let them.  Don’t let the negativity cause you any doubt in your life.  Make the negativity into your stepping stones of accomplishing your goals.

Always search for the people in your life that can support you in a positive way. Like minded people will always help you more than damage your life. Be ready for a roller coaster ride because you will get a lot of doubt from people who you know and don’t believe in you.  Let them see what you are really worth and let the doubters hate because they aren’t happy in their lives they want to see you fail. Once you accomplish one goal go to the next don’t stop going.  Keep making goals daily, weekly and monthly even for a lifetime.

Get ready to start NOW.

Just go do it. Dont say I cant. always say I CAN.

Just a little

It doesnt matter who or what you do. It does matter on what you do with your life.  When you are out and about in your busy lives dont forget one thing
Any lil bit counts.
Just a hello how are you can brighten someone elses day. You dont know whats going on in somebody’s life. You have no clue what pain that has happened or if they just got promoted,fired what not.
Be kind to others treat people the way you would like to be treated. Stop being so hurtfull towards others.  Learn to love yourself and let the change start from there.
No matter what you do in life you matter.

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