Watching you


I see it in your eyes, the wishing, wanting, the being able to do things before your Strokes.

I see you talking to our neighbors I see it in your eyes the wanting to go back to work, yet knowing you can’t kills you from inside.

Your eyes glisten when you talk about old projects you worked on before the 1st stroke.

It pains me to see what you’re going thru, yet YOU’RE A SURVIVOR A STROKE SURVIVOR!!! You’re strong willed in your lifetimes you have re learned to walk 3 times take a look at the obstacles you have accomplished in your life!!!!

Now it’s time to take it 1 day at a time and cherish every moment that we can spend together!!!

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Good day bad times


Coming up is May 6th my grandfathers birthday (rip) And i thought it would be a good day for me. I was wrong it was the day i got married it’s supposed to be a happy day it was far from that… the day i got married was one of the many days that my Ex husband beat me. After 5 mos or so of getting hit for the smallest reasons I left. I knew that i was better than that and didn’t deserve how I was being treated. His parents did want me to go back to him, but I told them I couldn’t and he shouldn’t be treating his wife the way he did. We didn’t talk for 16 yrs he had gone back to Guatemala he apologized, but that wasn’t enough I still had the physical, and emotional pain.

We do not talk at all anymore.. Ladies and even gentlemen you do not have to stay an any type of abusive relationships. No matter how much they say they love you they don’t they need someone to control.. Trust me the pain and suffering you went thru can stop if you just walk away and let things go. Time to heal yourself and do things for you be selfish for once!! Do what makes you happy

Not quite sure


I’m not quite sure where I’m going now. Not sure on how to feel, how to react. I’m going in circles and not knowing where I’m going to end up.

It’s that scared feeling where you are unable to comprehend what is really going on.

Have I lost control of my life? Am I doing things the correct way?? Will he still love me? I am I being a good fiancĂ©? Did I do something wrong? Am I to blame for things that didn’t work out??

Why am I here? What am I doing here? What were my dreams and goals again?

Partner of a stroke survivor


People don’t see what you go thru everyday they just think your okay,

People do not see the pain that you are going thru,

The stroke Surviver doesn’t see the pain your hiding from them,

When I’m massaging you at night and your eyes are closed,

My tears are running down my cheeks and making sure that you do not see me cry.

You ask why I’m crying I don’t say a word to make you worry,

Not knowing if that is going to be the last night.

Wishing just my love for you would heal you,

Wishing that it would get back to “normal”.

Loving you is all that I know to give you and hope that I will get another day with you, my prayers every single night.

Trying to stay strong and be your strength to make sure your happy in hopes that you will never see my pain.

Staying by your side and hoping that everyday is getting better. All I want to show you is love and patience.

David Rauch, I enjoy every moment we can share together.

Make it stop


I don’t like this feeling

This feeling of loosing you

For the second time.

The tears of fear and pain keeps rolling down my face,

When you are asleep is when I cry.

We lost eachother 17 yrs ago. Im not going to loose you again.

The fear of not having you by my side. As the emotions keep going and going as im trying not to feel the pain and hurt of thinking of loosing you.

Im not ready, I just got you back we have our future in front of us to live yet.

Bittersweet


Never did I think that I would feel this way again. Who knew that two Jr High kids who are totally opposite would end up together. Typical teenagers the girl shy, smart, exotic (boys point of view) and the boy who was the typical boy who got in trouble in school.. From the girl stealing his hat and playing mercy with out giving into pain. To the Boy who tried to get his hat back 3xs a day or during lunch walking around on stilts. To the 1st kiss at Memorial Park, Claremont, California on 4th of July 1992. Not knowing if they would ever see eachother again. Because that was the day that when you told me that you had to move. The day when i stopped you from getting into a fight at the park and told you that it’s not worth it. Even if it was because the other kid starting to talk about me for stopping you from fighting.

25 yrs 2 days later July 6th 2017 we reunited after messaging back and forth as friends for 5 yrs. When both of our memories started coming back from Jr. High.

We were both scared and unsure of what the future would be let alone if we still loved eachother from long ago. Well Guess patience and alot of living life things came back together.

Well, YOU finally had the guts 25 odd years later decided to ask me to marry you.

This is something we have both been looking for just didn’t know that it would of been you David R. Rauch.. I love you babe thank you.

Lost


I’m so used to just getting up and leaving. Now I’m starting to think of everything that has happened to me in the past. I’ve stopped thinking about my past. Yet things still haunt me from the rapes. Abuse from my ex husband and things that happened to me when I was younger that nobody will discuss(that it never happened).

I’m tired of the pain and the uncertainty of if this is how I’m supposed to feel.

The why’s of why did you do this to me will be left unsaid.

I’M not afraid to tell my story. About the physical abuse, the rapes, and molestation that has happened to me.

It made me who I am today a stronger woman. I can get thru all things and beat the memories. Than there are days when I can’t emotionally or physically take it.

I am me take it or leave it. You can’t change my last neither can I, yet I can change my future.

What’s your story??

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