What will I be remembered by?

I want my Children and Grandchildren, to realize the strength they really have inside of them.

I want them to know that I never stopped fighting, when things got tough, when I went thru alot of turmoil in my life I kept going.

If the Domestic abuse I’ve gone thru didnt make me stronger where would I be. I just wiped the dirt off my knees and got right back up.

God gave me the strength I needed thru the pain I endured. I kept on fighting and knowing that If I gave up what would my Adult kids say? What does that say to my Grandkids? That giving up is what they should do when they go thru the Obstacles in their life?

I told all my Kids that no matter what they go thru to keep going. Move forward. To not let anyone hold them back. When someone tells them they cant do something, to not let the negativity hold them back. That they can do anything they put their mind to it. As long as they tried their best.

I dont want them to live with regret for not doing something they wanted to do.

What I’m doing with my life is living my Adopted dads dream his Legacy that he wanted to do Cook for A Living. That ended up being my passion since I was 12. I’ve accomplished so many things in my life and pushed forward to become the person I am now.

Do I have any regrets that I have made in my life even thru the abuse I’ve gone thru? I will tell you no I dont have any regrets. What I went thru in my life my struggles I went thru, just made me who I am today.

From being a C.N.A.,Travel agent, 15 yrs of Management, housekeeping at Disneyland, to Line Cook. I’ve done all that I’ve wanted to do. Don’t live your whole life regretting something you didnt do or Try to do. Dont waste your life on the What if I… or I should of done this.

My Soul Cries For My Father.

via My Soul Cries For My Father.


The reflection

The reflection of your life is what you have gone thru. Your troubles, pain, love, happiness. The memories that you will always hold dear to your heart.

What do you see in your life? Did you accomplish your goals did you have. Do you have any regrets?

It’s all about the decisions that you make and not what others want you to do. Its never to late to learn something new expand your mind be a better you. Don’t let anyone stop you from achieving your goals.

There’s so many ups and downs in your life but, its how you take action in your life. Don’t look at the negativity In your life turn it around and make it positive.

You’re the only person who can turn your life around and nobody else. They can support you and cheer you on. Yet they can’t do the work for you.

The pain that keeps burning

I’ve never let go of the pain i went thru. From being raped, beaten, mentally abused.

All this pain just stayed inside my soul. The hatred towards others and pushing people away from me so they can hurt me. I’ll hurt them first.

But there’s a problem my heart, my heart will be what kills me, the love i have for others will be the death of me. In the End my heart will play games with my mind and that is how it will end.

It’s just a mask

Does anyone really know how you feel? Do you actually tell them.

Are you alone and your feelings start coming out. Your hurt, lost, pained? Tired of doing things to make others happy instead of doing what makes you happy.

How many times do you cry yourself to sleep? How many times do you regret not doing what’s best for you?

Don’t get your self held down where you are stuck and have no place to go.

Do what makes you happy not what they want to do for their own good. It doesn’t help you at all.

Let the pain inside of you out you need to heal. You are worth life, you are a valuable person. You will find a way.


I Am beautiful I Am worth It, I Am proud of myself I Am confident I Am loved

I Love myself for all of the obstacles I have gone thru and conquered. I am the strong person I am today for all the pain, bruises, the lies that have been told. I wouldn’t be this strong willed, stubborn person if I didn’t go thru the obstacles. I would change what I went thru for who I am today.

Although I am very scared yet I will conquer my battles and Win and keep going. Because I won’t give up I won’t give in to the funnel of darkness that is not me.

Story from a birth mother

img_0739After the day I gave you up for adoption I thought I was such a bad mom. Even a bad mom to your siblings. Now that you are an adult and we have been talking more and more and rebuilding our bond.

Hearing you tell me that I’ve always been your mother and hearing your sister tell me I’ll always be your (all 3 kids) mommy means the world to me. As you grew older I thought you would of had a hatred towards me because i didn’t keep you. I was very wrong. When you told me that I meant a lot to you made me so very happy.

You kids are my Angels no matter what. My love for you will never end nor will it be any less.

There are so many words that I can’t express. Yes there were things I wish I could of changed. Yet in the end we are still blood we will always be a family.

The memories that need to end!

How do I start? 18 years ago the abuse got worse. Covering up more of the bruises hoping that nobody can see them. And keeping my attitude happy go lucky as always. Hiding the feelings of being physically abused and also mentally abused. I may have not gotten hit as often as others but, I was still hit more than once.

The Physical abuse started the day we got married. I was his property in his eyes I was to do what he said. 1st time he hit was the first night he slept on the couch. The next morning i couldn’t walk at all I crawled to the bathroom than crawled to the living room and I felt dizzy and figured out i had a concussion. I called off work that day.

The biggest one that gives me nightmares to this day was sometime in November when I was getting ready for work and we started arguing I ended up on the floor with him on top of me strangling me and hitting me he broke my left eardrum, bruises around my neck from his hands and bruises on the left side of my face. I still ended up going to work early and calling the Georgia State Police to make a report against my husband. Right after the cops left he shows up within 5-10 min saying I was crazy and the bruises just appeared and he never touched me that I was a crazy Bitch. Told him he has to leave and go to work. I went back inside Mc Donald’s clocked like I usually do and worked my whole shift. Trying to keep my composure and not think about what happened to me. As I arrived back home my husband acted like nothing ever happened. This was one of the Many arguments we had he would even hit me after he found out I called his parents in Guatemala about the abuse.

I did get out of that marriage and filed for an uncontested divorce. Please don’t stay in an abusive relationship it’s not healthy for you. Your life is important you deserve better.

Just to say a few words of advice even if they say they are not going to do this again… Is a lie they will continue to beat you and leave out of the situation the best you can!

You need to live the life that you deserve no abuse (physically, emotionally, verbally) Do you and make the best out of life.

Good day bad times

Coming up is May 6th my grandfathers birthday (rip) And i thought it would be a good day for me. I was wrong it was the day i got married it’s supposed to be a happy day it was far from that… the day I got married was one of the many days that my Ex husband beat me. After 5 mos or so of getting hit for the smallest reasons I left. I knew that i was better than that and didn’t deserve how I was being treated. His parents did want me to go back to him, but I told them I couldn’t and he shouldn’t be treating his wife the way he did. We didn’t talk for 16 yrs he had gone back to Guatemala he apologized, but that wasn’t enough I still had the physical, and emotional pain.

We do not talk at all anymore.. Ladies and even gentlemen you do not have to stay an any type of abusive relationships. No matter how much they say they love you they don’t they need someone to control.. Trust me the pain and suffering you went thru can stop if you just walk away and let things go. Time to heal yourself and do things for you be selfish for once!! Do what makes you happy

Not quite sure

I’m not quite sure where I’m going now. Not sure on how to feel, how to react. I’m going in circles and not knowing where I’m going to end up.

It’s that scared feeling where you are unable to comprehend what is really going on.

Have I lost control of my life? Am I doing things the correct way?? Will he still love me? I am I being a good fiancĂ©? Did I do something wrong? Am I to blame for things that didn’t work out??

Why am I here? What am I doing here? What were my dreams and goals again?

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