This is it


I’m not sure how to feel, how to figure things out. From what I thought is not what it is. 

Is it not what it was or was it ever anything. 

Is it time wasted or time that was an experience of learning of who we were ourselves

When is the time to realize that it needs to end. The time to finally do things for you and not everyone else?

It never to late


It is never to late to find your passion that you thought you had lost. It never to late to figure out were you do belong.

What does your heart desire what is it that you have wanted to do.

Who can you help? Who can help You? What are you open to learn? Where are you at in your Life? What can you do to  expand your mind or make yourself a better person?

What is holding you back? Are you holding yourself back? Why? 

It’s never over


At this point I don’t know where to go. Where to start. How to even explain  how I really feel or what I even need to do. The circles keep going in circles and circles. It won’t stop.

When I think that things are ok it just gets worse and worse. 

No more


It’s time that it needs to go away.  I want it to end. It needs to stop eating me from. The inside out.  Just leave me alone and don’t ever come back.  Just let me be stop bothering me.  I can’t keep you lingering in my life and ruining everything I try to do. 

Just stop. Stop coming back. I am going to get rid of what you have done to me.  Yet the pain is still there. Go find someone else to make miserable. Just let me be. I’m seeking help and you will stop haunting me.

Please just go. 

The failure of fails and making dreams


What are you doing in your life to make things happen??

Are you taking the full blame on your mistakes? Or are you blaming others to make yourself feel better.

What are your fears? Are you even able to tell anyone? My fears are rejection, not being able to communicate correctly, thinking if I have to introduce someone to a new project will I be able to have the correct words??  I’m my own critic I am fully aware of that I know I will make mistakes and keep failing I keep getting up and try again until I get it right.

Even than it may be wrong in my eyes it may be correct in someone else’s eyes.

How are you going to adjust in knowing you can fail are you going to give up or are you going to keep on going till you succeed.

What Are your goals how are you going to succeed? 

I want to cook/bake for people. I want to help others figure out what they want to do and show them that they are worth something.

Nobody needs the negativity in their lives we need people who can build each other up and surround ourselves around like minded people.

You are the only one to make the change are you ready to take that ride?

Just remember its not your fault


I want to talk to you about a sensitive subject men and women alike.   Whether you are a male or a female dont feel ashamed about the abuse you have gone thru whether its verbal, pbysical,or emotional.   Do not be ashamed of the abuse speak out.  Your NOT the only one who has/is going thru it.  Ive covered this topic before but not as intense.

This is my story from the beating of my Ex husband.  My ex husband didnt speak english very well so he asked one of the guys to help him with some english words he was from Guatemala.

I met him at work he was nice and he wasnt the abusive type well before we had gotten marrried May 2000.
The night before we both got off work at 2 am. We than drove to vegas arrived at 6am we got our licensing to get married found a chapel and got married and drove back. Thats when things changed.
We were both tired but i really dont remember what the arguement was about.  It had to do about me being his wife now and i had to do what ever he said and when he wanted things done.
I must of said something and he didnt like it.  I know I was on the floor he was straddling me and I remember my head was banged against the floor several times.  I remember waking up in my bed he slept on the couch.  As I woke up I felt dizzy I couldnt even walk. Icrawled to the bathroom and threw up. And went to the living room called my manager Frank and told him what happened and said I couldnt work but my husband was. And feel back to sleep on the floor.  Now I realized that it was a small concussion that i had gotten from him beating me.

We had moved out of California to Carrollton Georgia. Things didnt change the fact is it got worse. His jealousy of guys at work talking to me. From when i worked with to to when i work at a meat factory. When I worked at Mcdonalds we had a bad fight about the same thing happened in california it happened in Georgia expect this time was worse in the end his hand print were left around my neck bruisedeft side of my face and my left ear was purple inside and out.  My eardrum was blown from him hitting me in my ear with a cupped hand.  I took A shower my ear stung so bad i was in pain. Went to work 2 hr early.  Talked to my manager i knew i couldnt be behind the counter when not working. But she saw and told me use the phone.  I called the police l did make a report and told them i wanted to press charges but they didnt.

Than i started working for a meat packing plant and thats where i knew enough. Is enough. He has hit me for the last time when i told him not to come closer to me or id break the window(it was really thin) he came towards me and well my fist went thru the window and he asked me what was my problem was i crazy???….

Thats when i knew i needed to leave him for good.
I was at work one day and i had my car he must of borrowed someones car and still denies it.. I saw him drive by thru the windows of the breakroom. I had gone to my car and noticed that the trunk of my car was keyed bad. I talked to security they called the police. My friend Ishmiel was there with me waiting and one of the girls also. I did my statement and i hadnt gotten paid yet so my friend had gotten. Later on that week i went to move in with an aquataince of my friend from work.  I went to get the rest of my stuff from my husbands apartment it was pouring rain i was stubborn enough to grab all of my stuff rain or no rain.. One of the guys from work was in the apartment across the way. Watching and making sure my husband was not going to do anything.. I grabbed everything that had to do with me and him so there was no proof at all that i lived there…

I was done with all of it. And ive told him many times that the American woman are not alike the women in guatemala.  We fight back and made sure we are heard if something happens to us…
When i moved back to California i had gotten my divorce. He was not going to be able to get his papers to be a resident at least not from me..

Ive been able To talk about this abuse for at least 14 yrs. I was afraid to talk about it at first but, realized that its better to talk to people about it and help other people get out of the situation that they are in just by listening.

Your not alone it not your fault. They will keep beating you no matter what. Get out of there make sure they dont know where all your friends or family live so you have a safe haven to go to if this happens again.

Have a good day. Just remember its not your fault. Only you can stop the abuse nobody else.

You will always better than what they tell you won’t amount to anything.

Time


Have the times really changed? Are people really getting along not matter what ethnicity they are?
The younger generation may not even color, they see happiness friendship laughter.
What changes when we become adults? Is it the wars, the news, television shows?? What happened to us not seeing color or different ethnicities?
What should matter is what matters in the heart. They love and happiness that is shared thru friendship and relationships.

We all are equal. We all belong together no matter where we come from.  Find that caring child within us that saw everyone as an equal

Previous Older Entries