ME


I Am beautiful I Am worth It, I Am proud of myself I Am confident I Am loved

I Love myself for all of the obstacles I have gone thru and conquered. I am the strong person I am today for all the pain, bruises, the lies that have been told. I wouldn’t be this strong willed, stubborn person if I didn’t go thru the obstacles. I would change what I went thru for who I am today.

Although I am very scared yet I will conquer my battles and Win and keep going. Because I won’t give up I won’t give in to the funnel of darkness that is not me.

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Story from a birth mother


After the day I gave you up for adoption I thought I was such a bad mom. Even a bad mom to your siblings. Now that you are an adult and we have been talking more and more and rebuilding our bond.

Hearing you tell me that I’ve always been your mother and hearing your sister tell me I’ll always be your (all 3 kids) mommy means the world to me. As you grew older I thought you would of had a hatred towards me because i didn’t keep you. I was very wrong. When you told me that I meant a lot to you made me so very happy.

You kids are my Angels no matter what. My love for you will never end nor will it be any less.

There are so many words that I can’t express. Yes there were things I wish I could of changed. Yet in the end we are still blood we will always be a family.

The memories that need to end!


How do I start? 18 years ago the abuse got worse. Covering up more of the bruises hoping that nobody can see them. And keeping my attitude happy go lucky as always. Hiding the feelings of being physically abused and also mentally abused. I may have not gotten hit as often as others but, I was still hit more than once.

The Physical abuse started the day we got married. I was his property in his eyes I was to do what he said. 1st time he he me he was automatically sleeping on the couch. The next morning i couldn’t walk at all I crawled to the bathroom than crawled to the living room and I felt dizzy and figured out i had a concussion. I called off work that day.

The biggest one that gives me nightmares to this day was sometime in November when I was getting ready for work and we started arguing I ended up on the floor with him on top of me strangling me and hitting me with a broken left eardrum, bruises around my neck from his hands and bruises on the left side of my face. I still ended up going to work early and calling the cops to make a report against my husband. And right after the cops left he shows up within 5-10 min saying I was crazy and the bruises just appeared and he never touched me. Told him he has to leave and go to work. I went inside and clocked like I usually do and worked my shift. I went home and he acted like nothing happened.

Just to say a few words of advice even if they say they are not going to do this again… Is a lie they will continue to beat you and leave out of the situation the best you can!

You need to live the life that you deserve no abuse (physically, emotionally, verbally) Do you and make the best out of life.

Time tells all


Who would of known the shy girl would end up with the rambunctious boy.

Never have I thought that this day would ever come.  Who would of thought from a 1st kiss 25 yrs ago would of made an impact.  The day you told me that your parents were moving to another city was the day we 1st kissed and the last day we both thought we would never see each other again.

We both had an interesting roller coaster ride called life where many people would never of realized.  The day we met again was the beginning of a new life and the typical question still remains why did we wait so long? The answer still remains the same things happen for a reason and we wouldn’t be who we are today, if it wasn’t the obstacles we lived.

 

This is so very new to me


The look in your eyes when your just admiring me.  Hoping you cant see how im feeling. Holding back the tears not sure if im able to show you all the love i have for you. You tell me that ive shown you so much love already and i feel that i havent.

Those tears of all the emotions that i have locked up inside. From fear of not sure if im ready to show you to the im ready to show you. You have seen my tears. You feel my pain. I can not hide from you anymore.

Not yet


Im not ready for this. I know my strength and what i can do. But this situation scares me its not time yet. I know you will be ok. Yet my mind is trying to get me ready for if that day happens. 

Holding everything in so you dont see what im feeling yet you already know.

You reading my eyes and seeing whats wrong with out asking. There no hiding things from you.

The touch of your hand rubbing my cheek just by a touch i feel the love you have for me.  It’s just like the 1st kiss we had in 1992.

That rekindling love that hasnt stopped burning just started getting brighter and stronger.  Everyday that goes on by our love keeps getting stronger.

I know your here to stay yet every day is a different day. New challenges and finding new strengthes. We never did think it would of started like this. Every day I see you and that means everyday is closer for you to be with me.  We are both staying strong. Yet i will still hold in those tears when its time to leave and see you the next day.

Mas mahal kita my habibi

This is it


I’m not sure how to feel, how to figure things out. From what I thought is not what it is. 

Is it not what it was or was it ever anything. 

Is it time wasted or time that was an experience of learning of who we were ourselves

When is the time to realize that it needs to end. The time to finally do things for you and not everyone else?

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